Those of us with low self-esteem often struggle to be assertive; usually because we don’t feel that we deserve to be listened to. The ability to be assertive means you can stand up for yourself and communicate your needs in a calm and positive way, without being passive or aggressive. It is a skill which can be developed quite quickly with hard work and dedication. Mastering your communication styles will result in better decision making and a reduction of the negative feelings which often contribute to anxiety and worry.

Tips for Becoming More Assertive:

(1) Learn how to say “no.”

• We are often reluctant to say “no” to others, even if saying “yes” creates an inconvenience for us. This is a form of people pleasing. Whether it’s taking on extra work in the office or watching a friend’s dog, helping others makes us feel good. However your time is the most precious commodity you have and if you cannot take on more at the moment, it is vital that you learn how to say no without feeling guilty. Once you master this, I guarantee you will feel empowered and able to offer help at a time that works best for you.

(2) Be simple and direct

• Don’t leave room for misinterpretation. Tell the other person how you’re feeling using the pronoun “I”- as in “I feel” or “I think.” This is a confident approach. If you begin your communication with “you”, you are assuming that you know what the other person is feeling and this can come across as a more aggressive communication style.

(3) Be conscious of your body language

• Your words are only one aspect of how you’re communicating with others. Your body language, tone of voice and facial expressions also contribute to the message you are conveying. Make sure you keep a neutral face expression, stand up tall and make eye contact. These are clear attributes of a confident person.

(4) Believe in yourself

• Low self-esteem can prevent you from telling others what you truly want. When you begin to really value your self-worth, you will have an easier time communicating your needs. Worrying about the opinions of others can stand in the way of being honest with yourself. Being assertive is a clear sign of self-respect.

(5) Stand your ground

• If you don’t get what you want the first time you ask, don’t give up. In assertiveness training, this technique is called a broken record. The person might not respond the way you hoped the first time, but they may simply need more time to process what you want.

Assertiveness allows us to express our thoughts, feelings and needs in a clear and respectful manner. By communicating assertively, we can avoid misunderstandings, resolve conflicts constructively and foster deeper understanding and connection with others.