Have you ever wondered whether your attachment style is to blame?

There are four attachment styles that we can adopt as adults: secure, anxious, avoidant, and anxious-avoidant. Which one do you identify most closely with?

Secure Attachment Style

• you are very comfortable displaying affection and interest
• you display a healthy level of self-confidence
• you can draw clear boundaries and stick to them
• you have no trouble being authentic and revealing the true version of themselves
• you can rely on others and trust people they're close to

Anxious Attachment Style

• you need constant reassurance and affection from your partner
• you really struggle to remain single and alone
• your behaviour tends to be overly-emotional, irrational and sporadic
• you become very nervous and stressed about your relationships
• you often succumb to unhealthy or abusive relationships

Avoidant Attachment Style

• you are very independent and regularly complain about being "suffocated" by those who get too close to you
• you are often uncomfortable with intimacy and don't talk to your partner about your feelings
• you fear commitment and often become paranoid that your partner wants to control you
• you always have have an exit strategy and construct your lifestyle to avoid too much intimate contact
• you struggle to rely on others and ask for help when you need it most
• you prefer to be distanced from your partner when you're feeling upset

Disorganised (Fearful Avoidant) Attachment Style

• you don't believe you deserve love or closeness in a relationship
• you were never taught how to self-soothe or self-regulate your emotions in a healthy way (relationships can therefore feel frightening and unsafe)
• you find intimate relationships confusing and unsettling
• you may be selfish, controlling and insensitive towards your partner
• your childhood was usually shaped by abuse, neglect or trauma

Whatever type of relationship problem you are struggling with, it is important to know that your brain is capable of change. By becoming aware of your attachment style you can start to challenge your insecurities in order to develop a more secure way of relating to others and therefore build stronger, healthier and more fulfilling relationships.